fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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