somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
