Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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