Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
