Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
