I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
