What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
