I understand Curling. That high.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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