I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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