We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
