I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
