she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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