she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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