I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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