I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
