she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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