I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
