Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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