Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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