just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
