During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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