I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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