Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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