I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So vagazzling was a success
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
