Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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