Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
