positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
