omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
