Ketchup is God's man juice
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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