let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
