i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We got so high we made milksteak
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
