dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
