he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
