we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
