i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
