shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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