how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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