Got a toothbrush?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Shame is for Republicans.
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