We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
