Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
