The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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