It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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