I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
