I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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