Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
