you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
