there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
