Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
