the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i drank out of a bidet.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize