If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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