"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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