Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
