Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Brb crying the tears of my youth
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
