dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
