You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
