remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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