I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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