Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
