If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
