You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
