Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
