i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
